Relationship KILLER - Being too NEEDY

So much of what women talk about in a relationship has to do with what WE want out of a relationship, but sometimes, it is important to remember that while we want to be happy, we want to make it so that the people we love WANT to be with us as well. 

What exactly is balance you need in your relationships?  I think to answer that, you need to know what each person likes and dislikes (provided they know themselves) and let them do the things they like, you do the things you like and split the remaining responsibilities.  It may be based on the actual number of responsibilities or on how badly those "left-ovrs" are detested.  Either way, unless you can (in good conscience) pay to have them done for you... someone's gotta do it.  Either way, making sure each person can enjoy the role they have in the relationship is essential.  I'm not saying that someone who is a "caregiver" type should ALWAYS be the caregiver, but if that is what they enjoy, and if you don't enjoy it so much, let them do it.  Realize though that just because they enjoy doing this task for the most part, doesn't mean they aren't deserving of your appreciation.  Let them you appreciate and value what they do.  That will go a long way on helping them continue to enjoy what they do.  When they burn out, which will happen from time to time, they may need someone to lovingly step in and help out.  Doing so in a serving spirit and without an argument and this person will most liekly appreciate and value yo.  Remember, though we may tend to focus on what makes US happy, part of the trick is making sure those AROUND us are happy too.

Horse Apples or a Burlap bag?

When I was a kid growing up in Texas, and I had a problem with someone (usually a boy), it was simple... I would just pummel them with horseapples from the Bois d' arc tree.  The older I have gotten, though the idea still crosses my mind from time to time, I'm pretty sure I can't get away with that anymore since the police might well go looking for a grown woman pummeling someone else with horse apples.  What a tragedy!

My mom always told me not to stay mad about something that wasn't going to make me mad 20 years down the line.  My grand father, who was a wealth of advice, always said not to go to sleep mad.  I turned to both of them for advice so much growing up and well, they have in part made me who I am today.  I would like to think it is because of them that I have  come up with a better way to handle relationship "issues."  

 At one point my life, I was letting so much get to me that I literally had ulcers.  I would break out in hives on my hands and arms just because I was stressing out so badly and ultimately, I was diagnosed with stress induced asthma after a very frightening night of not being able to breathe.  This went on until I was in my mid 20s when I started to release some of the stress by writing letters.  I never delivered them and though I did actually put one in a mail box a time or two, I never addressed them or put postage on them - but they made me feel better.  (Perhaps this is a good time offer an apology to the postmaster.)  As time passed, I figured out that I didn't have to let it all bottle up to "letter size" and I could just write little things on a piece of paper.  At first I placed the tiny slips in a box and kept it under my bed but I knew I never really wanted to SEE the slips of paper again, so why was I keeping them?   That is when I decide to make myself an invisible burlap bag!

My burlap bag, is of course, imaginary, but even so, I find that when I mentally slip something that makes me angry or hurt, into that bag, I feel so much better!  I know it sounds crazy, but it works!  This kind of burlap bag needs to have a pretty good sized hole in the bottom so that, unless something is really big (and likely to still make you mad 20 years down the line), it will fall out that hole as you go through your life.  When something is put in that bag though, you can't bring it back out for a long time - I'm talking years here...!  That would be cheating!  (My bag - my rules. LOL)  The idea of all this is take the little bumps in life and dismiss them.  Don't let them bog you down.  A lot of the things that make you mad now will probably not even be a fleeting memory a year down the line, unless you allow it to take hold.  The REALLY big things will probably still be big things later on down the road and according to my mom, are the things you are allowed to hang on to.  The rest?  Let it go.  Yes, my burlap bag is tattered and torn, but it does the trick, and it helps me keep things in perspective.  Learn any lesson you need to take from the experience, shove it deep into that burlap bag, throw that bag over your shoulder and just keep going. 

Welcome!

It has been said that nothing is forever...

Yep, it may have taken some of us longer to figure this out than it did others, but sooner or later, we all find ourselves facing the reality that nothing, and I do mean nothing, lasts forever.  Though that may sound harsh or sad to some, it is a promise of the hope of something better for others. 

Now, before we start singing The Circle of Life from the Lion King, let's think about this for a minute.  You see, with each new day, we change.  Though we may not always be able to change what the outcome of how the day will be, we can change how we choose to utilize the events of said day.... Let's just say that you got into a car accident one day.   I'll agree that one thing could blow your whole day maybe even your whole week, month or year if you let it.  On the flip side, you could take that time to realize what really is important to you.  Is it getting your kids to soccer practice on time?  Is it shopping at the mall?  Is it clubbing?  I mean, what is it that makes you tick?  The ultimate quesion being... What can you not live without?  That, my dear, is your source of strength. 

I can say this from a perspective of having been there and done that because I was in an accident a couple of years ago and got pretty messed up.  I went through all those thoughts.  I found myself going through all the momentary, "Oh!  I need to do...." over and over again and each time I would stop myself realizing it really wasn't necessary, but rather just "fluff."  For me, it's my kids.  I have some awesome kids!  To this day, my 17 year old son who now towers over me at 6'1" height and 300 lbs. comes to me almost daily to give me a hug and tell me he loves me.  That one thing can take my whole day - no matter how splendid or rotten and make it better.

Today, I challenge you to find out just what it is that makes you tick (if you don't already know) and take time to think about that.  Get a picture of that "something special" or something that symbolizes it and stick it on your computer, put it in your car, on your desk, on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, (where ever you frequently are) and think... about how your life has been enriched by that something special.  Let that source... strengthen you! 

You will find that simply by finding out and making the most of your source of strength, you can change your whole outlook.  In doing so, when those little bumps come along in life - which surely will happen - you can shrug them off easier and not allow them to ruin your life for any longer than absolutely necessary.  Remember, YOU are the one in charge of your life - so exercise your abiltiy to make it such that lifes everyday changes work in your favor!

Ya know... tipping the scales is not always a bad thing....

Good Luck in your day... now go find your strength!